Loss

Well, she's gone. Really gone. It's finally starting to sink in, that I will never talk to my Mom again.

One of my favorite things was talking to her on the phone. We would talk once a week or so for a few hours. We never ran out of things to talk about. I loved making her laugh. I would hear a good joke or something crazy would happen at work and I would write it all down and wait until our next conversation to share it with her.

She has been gone for 2 months now, but I still find myself writing down the funny stuff that happens in my life and waiting for our next conversation. I know that although I can't physically pick up the phone and call her, she hears me. She's still here.

I dreamed of her the other night. My phone rang and I picked it up...

"Hello?"
"Hello" she said, laughing.
"Mom?"
"It's me," she said, still laughing.
My brain ran into overdrive... was it really her? Did she not die?
"You'll never guess what happened," she said. "I've found a way to communicate with you. I can call you in your dreams."
I was too stunned to answer. I just sat listening as she laughed through the phone in an alternate universe created in my dreams. It was so good to hear her voice... to hear her laugh.

I hope she calls again.